WHO I AM

             Past and Present

There is no handbook for the day a doctor says the word ‘dementia’.
No one prepares you for it.
My father looked the same...
He still laughed and told stories.
But at that very moment, I began grieving someone who was still sitting
in front of me.

At first, I kept busy with appointments and research and visits,
thinking if I could organize it, maybe I could be in control.
But grief does not organize itself.

I held it together. Until the day, I didn’t.
After a difficult visit, I picked up pencil. Not because I am an artist.
But because I didn’t know what else to do with my hands.

I started drawing shapes and then colored them.
For the first time in months, I wasn’t managing anything.
I was just, well, in a place where I could express my
anger without hurting anyone, feel my sadness without explaining it.

VJB was brought into the world that day. To use creativity
to regulate what words cannot.

What began as survival, quickly became relief.
Now it is something I offer to others walking this path
without a compass.